So many of the external structures and systems that organized the flow of my days aren’t around in the way they were a month ago. My girls don’t go to school so our daily routine is much more fluid. I don’t have students coming to my home for yoga, so I don’t prepare the space in the same way I did. I’m not going to church services or to my parents’ house for dinner. I’m not attending trainings or going to stores. I’m not meeting my sister for hikes or friends for lunch. If all of these things served as the framework that gave my days structure, those boards and bricks are now in rubble heaps all around me.
At the start of all of this social-isolation business I exhausted myself by attempting to scaffold and stack the old structure back together. I wrote a daily schedule on the kitchen chalkboard with familiar wake-up times, meal times, exercise suggestions and family activities. I was going to be the super-heroine who maintained the rhythm of what life was. My girls appreciated that for about zero seconds and as it turns out, I wasn’t into it either.
I need more sleep and I have varied energy and capacity for focused attention. Without the outside structures of work, school, and calendared commitments, we don’t groom our animal bodies in the same way. Instead of walking upright and moving in and out of cars, we modern-dance our way from kitchen table to bedroom to back yard to impromptu dance floor to yoga mat to piano bench. We aren’t making our appearances out in the world so we can show up for ourselves and each other in a different way. And what that looks like changes by the day.
We are starting to see that there are all sorts of ways to be in relationship, to love, and to show love. Work can look a lot of different ways. Education can and does happen outside of classrooms. We might not know what structure these things will take and it might be too soon to try to figure it all out. I think we need to leave all the bricks piled around us for a little longer. Let’s give the feral and untamed parts of our selves time to come out and show us what they want and need. When that happens, when we get to know those parts, when we’ve found the rhythm that pulses underneath the other way we knew how to be in the world, only then should we consider building something with the rubble of what was.