I was about to get into my car on the way to an interview this week and I was excited and nervous. I didn’t want to be. I wanted to be calm and collected. I aspired to radiate peace, clear communication, and just the right amount of confidence. Even though I may experience some version of this at other times, it wasn’t happening in this crucial moment and I couldn’t will it to be so. I knew this because there was an uncontrollable quivering that originated from deep inside my body. I was trembling. When this happens I feel like one of those little shivering dogs with too little fur or a nervous constitution.
I left my coat on, cranked up the heat in my car and then did my best to drive more slowly than I wanted to. I attempted to breathe in a relaxed way. I went over the reasons that I looked forward to the meeting and how I’d like it to go down. After the twenty minutes it took to arrive, the shivering had mostly subsided and my level of ease improved. I decided to ignore the sweat rings in the armpits of my blouse.
Aṅgamejayatva describes one of the five symptoms that help us to recognize when we are out of balance (YS I.31). And get this… aṅga = parts, and mejayatva = “are trembling.” I’ve heard aṅgamejayatva described as an inability to be comfortable in a posture or being ill at ease in the body, but then I had this literal trembling thing happen and once again, I had to nod to our sage, Patañjali, for nailing it. Yes, I was experiencing emotional distress, duḥkha, there may have been some negative thinking, daurmanasya, breathing was agitated, śvāsa praśvāsā, my body trembled, and I experienced some agitation and lack of focus, vikṣepasahabhuvaḥ. Patanjali’s symptoms of distress? Check. Check checkity. Check. Luckily the sutras also offer ways to manage these symptoms. I’m glad I’ve practiced ways to take care of myself when these are present.
The interview went well. It was actually pretty fun and I think really good things will come of it. I don’t know that I’ll ever totally outgrow the nervous-excitement trembling condition I have, but maybe I’ll get to the point where I can come back to balance and without sweating so profusely in the process.
Save the date
Women’s RETREAT: August 31st to Sept 5th, 2016
Join me for 5 days in beautiful Ojai, CA, where you can replenish and reset with three master teachers as your guides. You’ll have time to steep in the wisdom of yoga, ayurveda and well-being while enjoying the beautiful accommodations and the surrounding Ojai valley.
More info to come!