I love these two. and karaoke.

If we really believed that we are whole, if we felt it, if we had faith in our wholeness, then I think a lot would change. I think we’d still seek, but out motivations would be different. Instead of trying to fill a hole or thinking we are incomplete somehow, we’d care for the parts that feel lonely or empty in a different way. Instead of believing that something is missing, we’d look into the hurt and see that hurting as a part of a complete, whole being. We might see it as a part of life, of something we need to notice and attend, not as some mistake that needs fixing.

Our relationships would be different. Two whole people, together, feels really different than having that weird thing of “you complete me” or “better half” running through the mind. Wholeness includes a willingness to see, know, and accept all the stuff that we experience and that we are. And if we can do it for ourselves, we have some practice and an understanding that helps us do that for other people, too.

Whether we know it or not, we are whole. There’s nothing missing. All of it is important.


Best wishes for the Holidays xo

2 thoughts on “Wholeness

  1. Andre Alyeska

    Your theme the last three weeks of loneliness/holidays resonates. Question; is it loneliness or depression for you at holidays? For me, certain events like Christmas or New Years made me depressed. I think it’s the expectation that I’m supposed to be happy, giving, what have you. When I was finally able to opt out or make more active choices on how to participate, that cloud lifted.

    As for loneliness, I also think the “you complete me” line is a bit hokey. But I also feel that I was meant to be partnered. What has helped me be ok with this is to view it as a primitive drive to be pair bonded. Sucks being single, but I’m much more ok with it. Especially post divorce when things haven’t lasted and I’ve felt fractured. Despite all the new age who-ha that would suggest we have limitless capacity to love, in this form I am finite.

    I find that loneliness is connected to a lack of three things: intimacy, depth and community. I think we’d be better off if we understood more about our own need in each area for the unspoken, deep understanding and the social aspects of our drives and needs.

    (I’m so glad I can post again!)

    1. Amanda Post author

      Intimacy, depth, and community… I like these ways of thinking about connection and I can see how these experiences would be supported with the right partner-relationship.
      The holidays do stir up a whole bag of expectations for me, too. I think I underestimate the effect that they have on me.
      It’s taken me a while to be willing to admit this, but the winter weather is another factor in all this. It’s an adjustment for me every year. Dry, light, mobile, cold — according to Ayurveda, these are all gunas/qualities of vata and they happen to be things that i find really unpleasant and unsettling for my already vata nature. Another thing that goes with vata-imbalance??? loneliness. Those ancient vaidyas knew a thing or two about human nature, that’s for sure.


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